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Vince Carter is a stupid fuck

See, this is why I have anger problems. I have to deal with fucking asswipes like this all day long. And not only that, when I finally get a chance to get away, then monkeyass fucks like this twat show up on my daily Youtube pillaging.

See, what Vince doesn’t understand is, he’s not funny. He sucks. Like his career.

Oh, and Vince…Chris Webber called. He said he reserved the hospital bed right next to him so when you strain your vagina tomorrow, you’ll have a friend.

I should also add tomorrow is my birthday, so I expect lots of free humor and free pussy. And if you’re willing to provide me such, I will be more than willing to provide you with some of my cake, which may or may not be a large bottle of Grey Goose (hint: it is).

Okay, it’s not my birthday, but I’m still downing the Goose and if you have vagina and you’re not named Vince Carter, call me.

Kidd shoves his ball in Manu’s Face

As much I find Jason Kidd and his glib alter ego Ike Turner to be intolerable characters, I have to admit that this little exchange was pretty interesting. I mean really, is there anything better than TNT’s Inside Trax? And if you guessed vagina, no, you’re wrong. Vagina is not even on the same level, so shut the fuck up.

And let’s be real here assholes…is there anything better than somebody shoving a flying object into Manu Ginobili’s face? Just a shame it didn’t have a point on the end. [Jason Kidd]I SWEAR! I DID! I SWEAR![/Jason Kidd]

Nenad Krstic – SEXIEE BOI

Being I’m a member of the Secret Service as you’re well aware of, my phone tapping skills are at an all time high. Elite Level Status 9, for those of you keeping track. Last night I was able to tap into the Playboy Mansion phone lines and listen to Holly and Kendra phone sex me Hugh Hefner’s conversation with the 3rd most eligible bachelor in Serbia, in hopes of him posing for Playgirl. The shameful part is, Nenad came in behind Marko Jaric. Yes, THAT Marko Jaric.

Really though, are Marko and Nenad every young woman’s fantasy?! You’ve truly got your finger on the pulse of today’s youth, Hugh Hefner. There’s nothing 20 year old women want to do more than open up an issue of Playgirl and immediately masturbate with a cheese grater. I mean, seriously?

Anyway, enjoy Nenad shooting free throws and watching his balding scalp blow in the wind.

Dale Davis rejects NBA Contract to work at McDonalds

I’m sure many of you know that I work out of my parents basement and that I am a member of not only the FBI, but the Secret Service. This keyboard, my futon, blowup doll, all government issued, thank you very much. Don’t try to be as fucking awesome as me cause you’ll just end up hurting yourself.

Speaking of cool…one thing that I really like is knowing Bonafide Hustlers build my Big Mac’s for me. It makes me feel so warm and mushy inside to know I have somebody of such high expectations, getting paid 2.59 an hour to give his Chicken McNugget making ass, his all.

Cause he’s a bonafided hustler…..SHAZAM!

The Newest Cavs

Wow, don’t they all just look fucking thrilled to be in the armpit of the Country? I know I would be. What’s that? You’re never going to get another shot!? Well, too fuckin bad…cause it’s LEBRON TIME BABY, and you’ll like it.

Seriously though…look at these douchebags. They couldn’t be more thrilled. I could just imagine the conversation.

Wallace: “Man I gotta take the biggest shit right now and these guys are holding me up, Oh well I still aint going to play as hard and just make that money”

Smith: ” Nigga, I am high as a fuckin kite right now son. Nigga you see that pink elephant flying around? Dis dat Krypta Chronic killa weed!”

Wally: “Damn Sasha Pav looks even better in person. I wonder if I can shove it in his cornhole.”

Delonte: “Hurry up, I got another Harry Potter movie to star in. Where is my cloke!!!”

DJ Strawberry’s bottom hoe

As you know if you’re between 18-35, a female, and living in the greater San Diego area, I’m a large fan of boobs. Small, or big, they are teh awesomeness.

What I’m not a big fan of is some asshat NBA player, who couldn’t beat a retarded amputee, scoring hotter chicks than I.

So, here’s looking at you DJ Strawberry. Fuck you.

Boris Diaw sucks on and off court

Apparently Boris Diaw subscribes to the Jon Barry School of Whoreness. I’m going to take a wild guess and say his girlfriend wants him to quit being such a filthy bastard. Though, I’d say that Mike D’Antoni is glad Diaw can finally hit something, because god knows he can’t hit a fuckin shot. And clean up them ashy elbows, my nigga! Lookin like you’ve been rollin around in a pig pen and shit. Put some Jergens on that son! Might help your jumper.

Oh, and on the plus side…at least she’s not under age. Oh wait…nevermind.

A Good Ole Smokey Robinson

Ah, nothing like a cold hard shot to the nutsack, eh?

WALK IT OFF BIG MAN! WALK IT OFF!

Lying, cheating, failed marriages, Sacramento Kings, oh and hamb…

So here we are , another edition of my blog and I have lots to type about tonight!

First topic of the night is an interesting show that I faintly knew about, but my co-worker showed me a clip on you-tube today. Its a show called “The Moment of Truth” and in my opinion its the best fucking show ever!!! Pure Entertainment I tell ya. The premise is that the contestant is hooked to a lie detector an must answer personal question truthfully to get closer to the $500,000 cash prize!!! That is fucking genius!! The clip that I watched today, and that I will show you ruined a marriage!!! God Bless America!!! We could have Eze and Jimmy on it answering how many times they touch each other, and they can’t lie!!! AWESOME!!!

anyways here is the clip:

If this isn’t the best form of entertainment then I don’t know what is. TV has become relevant again.

My next topic is the Sacramento Kings… they are worse than an emo kid deciding whether they want to live or die. Fuck man, if I was Reggie Theus I would tank… look at them, one minute they want to get into the playoffs, then the next they forget how to hold a basketball in their hands (maybe they have been practicing with oranges lately). It doesn’t even piss me off anymore, I stopped caring after I saw Eze in a Laker uniform, but what I really want is a direction for this team… you know something to look forward to… oh wait its the Kings… nothing to look forward to. I also feel bad for the Rockets fans… they have become the Kings part II… Yao is out and it looks like C-Webb with Kings all over again, hopefully Yao gets back to normal!

Speaking of normal… lets talk about hamb. Our beloved Allah-bamian has left us, he will dearly be missed by the few who knew him. I will always remember hamb by his wonderful rick-rolling for which he earned the life-time achievement award. Hamb is not dead yet, but he was traded to the Raptors board, where he was welcomed by two open arms. Good luck to you hambino!

So, um yeah I have nothing else to type about… so yeah… I’ll go fornicate myself.

-Einz