1. Celtics – You know what? Fuck Boston. Seriously. FUCK BOSTON. That’s it. Fuck you, Boston.
2. Pistons – Did anybody see the anal pillaging the Pistons laid on Shaq Daddy’s Sun’s the past Sunday? By the second half they had to change the TV Ratings from “G” to “RAF” (known better as a raw ass fuck). But hey, according to Sheed, at least both teams played hard…even if the Suns were down 34 in the 2nd half
3. Lakers – I don’t know if you know this, but, Kobe Bryant is raping the league with 4 fingers. Somehow, that’s considered legal but when I did it to the lovely lady at Subway making my Turkey Club, the cops slammed my head against the glass and cuffed me. Fuckin perks of an NBA Superstar.
4. Spurs – Does watching Tim Duncan remind you of R2-D2? *beep noises* I AM ROBOT. HEAR ME BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
5. Suns – Shaq’s sorta like an old, should be retired pornstar. Still getting double teamed way past their prime.
6. Mavs – As if those rednecks needed more reason to buy wife-beaters…
7. Hornets – I love Chris Paul as much as the next man :nohomo:, but, lets face reality. When’s the last time Peja ever did anything good? You mention “Peja” and “Playoffs” in the same paragraph and you can see the piss running down his legs.
8. Jazz – All these morons running around claiming how amazing the Kyle Korver trade was, need to shut up. “Oh, he’s like Reggie Miller”…”Oh, he is the best shooter in the game”. This reminds me of Kat Williams Chrysler 300 argument. “Oh, nigga, look, I just bought a Chrysler 300 son! That shit looks just like a Bentley”…”Nigga that shit only look like a Bentley till a Bently pull up. That shit look like a Chrysler 300 then”.
9. Rockets – HOLY CRAP! Color be black! Yao Ming is done for the season!? As 007 would say, “They Call Me The Glass Kid”. Oh, btw Yao, Chris Webber called…he says “WHATZ UP CHINK”
10. Cavs - Just because you were a good NBA player, doesn’t mean you’re a good General Manager (Isiah)..which should tell crappy NBA players they have no business being a GM…do you hear me knocking Danny Ferry? It’s for you…
11. Warriors – Color me skeptical, but…I’m going to say that’s NOT hot wax on Monta Ellis’ hands during pre-game. Don’t ask me how I know, just trust me, okay…*pulls up pants*
12. Magic – I think of the Magic’s SG situation as a bad interracial porn scene. JJ Ridickculously Gay and Keith Bogans just don’t work together well. Man up and spread that corn-hole!
13. Raptors – What’s up with all these people talking crap about Chris Bosh’s g/f?! I think she’s a wonderful woman for freeing all those slaves to the underground railroad…
14. Nuggets – You know, I’m gonna guess something is seriously fucked up with your front office when Linas Klieza is not only your only trade piece, but, you lack the sperm to trade him for a player 93 times his value. But hey, that’s why the Nuggets are elite. Oh wait.
15. Blazers – You know what? I respect a man that gets a faux-hawk. I really do. And not only that, I respect a man who’s 14 and looks 42 who gets not only a faux-hawk, but a fucked up faux-hawk from your local beauty college. Nigga you got 39 million bucks, spend some fuckin dough homie. You know the white bitches love that that faux-hawk. BOOGA BOOGA!
16. 76ers – Has there ever been a better dude at sticking it to the white man than Billy King? Ol Dirty Bastard would be so proud. Not only will I trade your best player away for crap, you will like it and fire me…and still pay me! BITCH! I salute you, Billy King.
17. Bulls – Paxson built this team like a fucking retarded kid builds a house with Lincoln Logs. “What is that Johnny, a boat?” “CUZ UP ITS HOUSE U A FUCKIN STUPOD BITCH. HAHA POOP.”
18. Hawks – All these years, since Jesus Christ was still a sperm, or whatever he was…Hawk fans have been waiting…and waiting for a trade…and one rainy morning in Sacramento, the Kings decided to give Hawk fans their wish. The Atlanta Hawks had just traded for Kermit the Frog. I equate that to a similar level of having drunk sex with a sheep…not that I have…
19. Wizards – You know Eddie Jordan is putting hits out on his players so they keep injuring themselves so he wont get fired. Smart man Eddie, smart man. I really enjoyed the undercover prostitute sting operation on Blatche. Touche my man, touche.
20. Kings – Fuck. We get rid of Kermit the Frog and we bring in a fucking Sperm Whale? Have you seen the size of Shelden William’s fucking noggin? The fucking Military uses it as a landing strip.
21. Pacers – Have you heard about the Pacers new uniforms next season? They’re gonna be HOT! They are going to be all white robes with pointy white “hats” with a logo on the front that reads “Indiana PacKKKers”.
22. Bobcats - Oddly enough, the Bobcats are going to rename their franchise to the “Panthers” next season. Actually, the “Black Panthers”…well, that is once they lynch and burn Adam Morrison.
23. Bucks – Somebody stop giving the Bucks #1 Draft Picks. Just fucking stop. They fucked it up once with Big Dog, and they fucked it up again with that fucking Aussie bastard.
24. Nets – Kinda funny that the real fag on this team isn’t Richard Jefferson eh? HIY VINCE!
25. Knicks – I really want to know what incriminating evidence Isiah has on James Dolan. Dolan must line up Bukkake style at Club Cock in downtown NYC nightly or something for him not to be fried yet.
26. Clippers – Lololololololololol
27. T-Wolves – The last time Antoine Walker touched a court, it was at a child support hearing.
28. Sonics – So…the Sonics want to move to Oklahoma…and Beasly is from…Oklahoma…and…wow, okay, well, at least they’re not tampering.
29. Grizzlies – If you listen really close, you’ll hear no noise from the Grizzlies organization. That’s because they’ve all went into protective custody after the Gasol trade. And apparently, one of my local hoe’s says they’re all sold out of lube in the Memphis area, but, I can’t figure out why.
30. Heat – I heard Wade was spotted down by the beach trying to steal some immigrants rafts trying to get the fuck out of Miami. WATCH FOR THE COAST GUARD D!! DAVID STERN CANT BAIL YOU OUT FROM THEM!!!
PS – Click this link and click the up arrow so we get some hits at Ballhype bitches:
http://ballhype.com/story/ebsports_net_funny_power_rankings/
