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Lying, cheating, failed marriages, Sacramento Kings, oh and hamb…

So here we are , another edition of my blog and I have lots to type about tonight!

First topic of the night is an interesting show that I faintly knew about, but my co-worker showed me a clip on you-tube today. Its a show called “The Moment of Truth” and in my opinion its the best fucking show ever!!! Pure Entertainment I tell ya. The premise is that the contestant is hooked to a lie detector an must answer personal question truthfully to get closer to the $500,000 cash prize!!! That is fucking genius!! The clip that I watched today, and that I will show you ruined a marriage!!! God Bless America!!! We could have Eze and Jimmy on it answering how many times they touch each other, and they can’t lie!!! AWESOME!!!

anyways here is the clip:

If this isn’t the best form of entertainment then I don’t know what is. TV has become relevant again.

My next topic is the Sacramento Kings… they are worse than an emo kid deciding whether they want to live or die. Fuck man, if I was Reggie Theus I would tank… look at them, one minute they want to get into the playoffs, then the next they forget how to hold a basketball in their hands (maybe they have been practicing with oranges lately). It doesn’t even piss me off anymore, I stopped caring after I saw Eze in a Laker uniform, but what I really want is a direction for this team… you know something to look forward to… oh wait its the Kings… nothing to look forward to. I also feel bad for the Rockets fans… they have become the Kings part II… Yao is out and it looks like C-Webb with Kings all over again, hopefully Yao gets back to normal!

Speaking of normal… lets talk about hamb. Our beloved Allah-bamian has left us, he will dearly be missed by the few who knew him. I will always remember hamb by his wonderful rick-rolling for which he earned the life-time achievement award. Hamb is not dead yet, but he was traded to the Raptors board, where he was welcomed by two open arms. Good luck to you hambino!

So, um yeah I have nothing else to type about… so yeah… I’ll go fornicate myself.

-Einz

Bestiality

Do not ask me how I found this picture, but ask what is happening. I see two things here; a woman casually talking to someone while breast-feeding a monkey, and a monkey sucking on an old hag’s tits (I can say tits on this blog, right? whatever fuck it).

I’m sure people in Hambalabama have been sodomizing their animals for quite some time now, but this takes the cake; actually thinking about it, it kinda sounds cool. To put into perspective how cool it sounds, imagine this scenario: A conversation between this woman and a Hambalabamian citizen ensues, and the topic is bestiality. The common Hambalabamian would say that he daily fucks this goat, while the woman could simply just say “I breast feed my monkey.” If you don’t find this funny you probably watch Kings Basketball…

-Einz

Caption Contest 2/26

What is Jason Kidd thinking? The winner gets an autographed Tevin Campbell CD.

Hi

Welcome to my first ever ebsports.net blog! I used to write blogs on myspace a long time ago and they consisted of sad poetry and wrist-slitting theories. Now I write about flowers and genitalia while listening to Sixpence None the Richer Slayer.

So here is the deal; I was asked by Eze in exchange for fire-wood (its cold here in NYC) to write about my daily experiences as an American Gladiator (even though I’m European…). Soooooooooooooooooo last night my friend and his girlfriend invited me and my girlfriend for some dinner over at their place; actually they invited us because 3 of us are Graphic Design majors and we’re doing an anti-fur campaign ( I own fur boots btw). His gf took some semi-nude pictures of my girl for the campaign while we were in the kitchen on our laptops looking at Jimmy Kimmel’s post Oscars video on ebsports.net (shameless plug). Anyways after they did their thing it was my turn. The premise of the anit-fur photo that my buddy was doing had to do with an ugly woman posing, and what better way of having an ugly woman present than having me dress in drag with my beard. It took me a pint of beer to say yes, and it actually was really funny… but now I’m skeptical of going to class on Monday and seeing the finished poster with my picture on it. Wonder what the other students will think… but who cares, I had great intercourse with my gf last night anyways.

I also wanna address the rick-roll issues. Its nice, and if you have a Mac, oh well.

Peace till my next blog (whenever I feel like typing again)

-Einz

Hip Hop is dead, and Skip Bayless killed it.

For the people who watch Cold Pizza, or First Take. Whatever the fuck it’s called now. Skip Bayless offers his take on Hip Hop, because Skip Bayless is the end all and be all on Hip Hop. Skip Bayless talking about Hip Hop is like Tiger Woods talking about dating black women or Rosie O’Donnell talking about penis.

Poor Jeff Chidiha. He’s having his blackness questioned by Skip Bayless! And why do white people feel the need to call 50 Cent ‘Fiddy’? Stop it! It doesn’t make you cool. It just makes you even more of a tool. 50 doesn’t even call himself Fiddy. One more thing, what kind of man has Madonna in his Ipod?

Steroid Legs

Sometimes when I look at people, I can just peg them. For example, when I look at Elton John, it doesn’t take a lot for me to realize he likes to be corn holed. Or maybe when I look at Carmen Electra, it doesn’t take much for me to realize I want to corn-hole her. I just have that ability…

A few minutes ago as I was assaulting the world-wide inter-web in my nightly conquests for pornographic material, I came across T’Dub. Yea, I just said T’Dub. Not only does his name keep children across the globe awake at night in fear, the authority of which he slams the ball down is nearly orgasmic, almost Serial-Killer like, which I admit…upsets me more than you know. And I should add in he’s also only 5′9…and he obviously can give his girlfriend an awesome teabag.

This is why

the use of crack cocaine has become illegal in every state but my bedroom…

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/boxscore;_ylt=AuV8pSpH8flAtIf..ZE5SAGLvLYF?gid=2008022425

Only In California

Let us just forget USC right now because those bastards rejected me and focus on the stupid school in the City of Angels, UCLA. With such fine NBA products as Tyus Edney, Ed O’Bannon, Cedric Bozeman, and Dijon Thompson, it’s easy to see why they’ve been such a Powerhouse over the years.

However, it pains me to admit…I’m not a big UCLA fan. Sorry you bastardly Bruin faithful.

I will admit to being a casual sexual predator fan of this young lady though.

The Mistakes I’ve Made

Back in ’96, Grant Hill was the new hotness. I mean, he was white hot, as was Jason Kidd. Both entering their 2nd seasons, Grant and Jason both got their own shoe deals thanks to the fine children in Cambodia making shoes people at Nike and Fila.

Now, you’ve got to remember that back in the day, Fila wasn’t the joke that they are today. Not only did they have endorsement deals with Hill, but also Jerry Stackhouse, Barry Bonds, and Sammy Sosa. That was like a giant orgasm of sportsness. I had the first Grant Hill shoe. I had a red Pistons Hill alternate. I drank Sprite regularly. Needless to say, when the new Grant Hills came out, I was going to have them.

Not only that, once I wore those bad boys out (get it, Pistons, bad boys….yea, screw you too)…I had to move on to the Wife Beaters Jason Kidd’s. Never has ugly been so cool.

Well, until I focused by 13 year old eyes on the Scottie Pippen’s…

Oh god…it’s like I hit puberty when I spotted those things. I wore them everyday, flaunting them begging for my ass to be kicked, letting my coolness leak out all over the blacktop.

Jason Kidd’s

Grant Hill’s

Scottie Pippen’s

And stop frontin…you know you were half black back in the day too.