I like boobs

And I’m going to assume you do too.

Which is why you should meet Memphis Monroe, who, I’ve pictured below me….which is our usual position anyway, but that’s neither here nor there.

Anyway, Memphis has a blog she recently started at EBS…so um, I suggest you go to EBSports.net and check out Ms. Monroe’s blog.

Nate Robinson is AWFUL

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22425001/vp/23350199#23350199

Kay, first off, unless you’re a fucking loser and jerk off to Today Co-Host Meredith Vieria all morning long like myself it would be in your best interest to scroll to about 3:30 in this clip, when the action beings to take place.

Nate Robinson looks worse than Zach Randolph the other night. Nice double dribble you bama boy.

And on an unrelated side note, love all the questionable calls and random whistles by Bennett Salvatore. Blind bastard.

Bestiality

Do not ask me how I found this picture, but ask what is happening. I see two things here; a woman casually talking to someone while breast-feeding a monkey, and a monkey sucking on an old hag’s tits (I can say tits on this blog, right? whatever fuck it).

I’m sure people in Hambalabama have been sodomizing their animals for quite some time now, but this takes the cake; actually thinking about it, it kinda sounds cool. To put into perspective how cool it sounds, imagine this scenario: A conversation between this woman and a Hambalabamian citizen ensues, and the topic is bestiality. The common Hambalabamian would say that he daily fucks this goat, while the woman could simply just say “I breast feed my monkey.” If you don’t find this funny you probably watch Kings Basketball…

-Einz

Get Yo Thug On Boi

I know what you’re thinking, and no, this isn’t some sick joke. This is some cold blooded shit right here.

One thing I’ll always remember Kobe Bryan and Chris Webber for, is being for the children. I mean, do we really even need such classics as Cat in the Hat when you can turn on your Ipod, and straight get crunk wit it? Oh, and CWebb’s video features Kurupt, who, I didn’t even think was alive. I figured he died with 2pac. WESTSIDE 4 LYFE NIGGA

The question begs…who’s gonna cap a bitch first? Kobe Bean or Christopher Mason?

http://videovault.morrisvideos.com/videos/chris-webber-ft-kurupt—gangsta-gangsta

After further review, I’ve decided I’m going to kill myself so I don’t have to listen to that garbage any longer.

*BANG*

BREAKING NEWS! – KEVIN MARTIN ABDUCTED

This is a shot of Kevin Martin playing basketball. Look closely, as, you may never see it again. As a responsible member of the media (as you can tell by my honest power rankings) I guess I should be counted on to report alien abductions. Obviously, this is the only explanation for Kevin Martin being MIA. I suspect using my Batman like skills, that the man wearing #23 for the Sacramento Kings is nothing but a drone. And because of this, I have called Pizza Hut the FBI and we are working on this together! Now, I know you’ve heard the rumors that I’m a millionaire secret agent who works undercover in his parents’ basement….and yes, it’s true. The futon I’m typing from is government-issued. I can’t say anymore. It’s classified… bitches.

Pimps up, hoe’s down.

hallelujah hollaback – eze

Caption Contest 2/26

What is Jason Kidd thinking? The winner gets an autographed Tevin Campbell CD.

Feb 26th Power Rankings

1. Celtics – You know what? Fuck Boston. Seriously. FUCK BOSTON. That’s it. Fuck you, Boston.
2. Pistons – Did anybody see the anal pillaging the Pistons laid on Shaq Daddy’s Sun’s the past Sunday? By the second half they had to change the TV Ratings from “G” to “RAF” (known better as a raw ass fuck). But hey, according to Sheed, at least both teams played hard…even if the Suns were down 34 in the 2nd half
3. Lakers – I don’t know if you know this, but, Kobe Bryant is raping the league with 4 fingers. Somehow, that’s considered legal but when I did it to the lovely lady at Subway making my Turkey Club, the cops slammed my head against the glass and cuffed me. Fuckin perks of an NBA Superstar.
4. Spurs – Does watching Tim Duncan remind you of R2-D2? *beep noises* I AM ROBOT. HEAR ME BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
5. Suns – Shaq’s sorta like an old, should be retired pornstar. Still getting double teamed way past their prime.
6. Mavs – As if those rednecks needed more reason to buy wife-beaters…
7. Hornets – I love Chris Paul as much as the next man :nohomo:, but, lets face reality. When’s the last time Peja ever did anything good? You mention “Peja” and “Playoffs” in the same paragraph and you can see the piss running down his legs.
8. Jazz – All these morons running around claiming how amazing the Kyle Korver trade was, need to shut up. “Oh, he’s like Reggie Miller”…”Oh, he is the best shooter in the game”. This reminds me of Kat Williams Chrysler 300 argument. “Oh, nigga, look, I just bought a Chrysler 300 son! That shit looks just like a Bentley”…”Nigga that shit only look like a Bentley till a Bently pull up. That shit look like a Chrysler 300 then”.
9. Rockets – HOLY CRAP! Color be black! Yao Ming is done for the season!? As 007 would say, “They Call Me The Glass Kid”. Oh, btw Yao, Chris Webber called…he says “WHATZ UP CHINK”
10. Cavs - Just because you were a good NBA player, doesn’t mean you’re a good General Manager (Isiah)..which should tell crappy NBA players they have no business being a GM…do you hear me knocking Danny Ferry? It’s for you…
11. Warriors – Color me skeptical, but…I’m going to say that’s NOT hot wax on Monta Ellis’ hands during pre-game. Don’t ask me how I know, just trust me, okay…*pulls up pants*
12. Magic – I think of the Magic’s SG situation as a bad interracial porn scene. JJ Ridickculously Gay and Keith Bogans just don’t work together well. Man up and spread that corn-hole!
13. Raptors – What’s up with all these people talking crap about Chris Bosh’s g/f?! I think she’s a wonderful woman for freeing all those slaves to the underground railroad…
14. Nuggets – You know, I’m gonna guess something is seriously fucked up with your front office when Linas Klieza is not only your only trade piece, but, you lack the sperm to trade him for a player 93 times his value. But hey, that’s why the Nuggets are elite. Oh wait.
15. Blazers – You know what? I respect a man that gets a faux-hawk. I really do. And not only that, I respect a man who’s 14 and looks 42 who gets not only a faux-hawk, but a fucked up faux-hawk from your local beauty college. Nigga you got 39 million bucks, spend some fuckin dough homie. You know the white bitches love that that faux-hawk. BOOGA BOOGA!
16. 76ers – Has there ever been a better dude at sticking it to the white man than Billy King? Ol Dirty Bastard would be so proud. Not only will I trade your best player away for crap, you will like it and fire me…and still pay me! BITCH! I salute you, Billy King.
17. Bulls – Paxson built this team like a fucking retarded kid builds a house with Lincoln Logs. “What is that Johnny, a boat?” “CUZ UP ITS HOUSE U A FUCKIN STUPOD BITCH. HAHA POOP.”
18. Hawks – All these years, since Jesus Christ was still a sperm, or whatever he was…Hawk fans have been waiting…and waiting for a trade…and one rainy morning in Sacramento, the Kings decided to give Hawk fans their wish. The Atlanta Hawks had just traded for Kermit the Frog. I equate that to a similar level of having drunk sex with a sheep…not that I have…
19. Wizards – You know Eddie Jordan is putting hits out on his players so they keep injuring themselves so he wont get fired. Smart man Eddie, smart man. I really enjoyed the undercover prostitute sting operation on Blatche. Touche my man, touche.
20. Kings – Fuck. We get rid of Kermit the Frog and we bring in a fucking Sperm Whale? Have you seen the size of Shelden William’s fucking noggin? The fucking Military uses it as a landing strip.
21. Pacers – Have you heard about the Pacers new uniforms next season? They’re gonna be HOT! They are going to be all white robes with pointy white “hats” with a logo on the front that reads “Indiana PacKKKers”.
22. Bobcats - Oddly enough, the Bobcats are going to rename their franchise to the “Panthers” next season. Actually, the “Black Panthers”…well, that is once they lynch and burn Adam Morrison.
23. Bucks – Somebody stop giving the Bucks #1 Draft Picks. Just fucking stop. They fucked it up once with Big Dog, and they fucked it up again with that fucking Aussie bastard.
24. Nets – Kinda funny that the real fag on this team isn’t Richard Jefferson eh? HIY VINCE!
25. Knicks – I really want to know what incriminating evidence Isiah has on James Dolan. Dolan must line up Bukkake style at Club Cock in downtown NYC nightly or something for him not to be fried yet.
26. Clippers – Lololololololololol
27. T-Wolves – The last time Antoine Walker touched a court, it was at a child support hearing.
28. Sonics – So…the Sonics want to move to Oklahoma…and Beasly is from…Oklahoma…and…wow, okay, well, at least they’re not tampering.
29. Grizzlies – If you listen really close, you’ll hear no noise from the Grizzlies organization. That’s because they’ve all went into protective custody after the Gasol trade. And apparently, one of my local hoe’s says they’re all sold out of lube in the Memphis area, but, I can’t figure out why.
30. Heat – I heard Wade was spotted down by the beach trying to steal some immigrants rafts trying to get the fuck out of Miami. WATCH FOR THE COAST GUARD D!! DAVID STERN CANT BAIL YOU OUT FROM THEM!!!

PS – Click this link and click the up arrow so we get some hits at Ballhype bitches:

http://ballhype.com/story/ebsports_net_funny_power_rankings/

Dirk doesn’t want you to smoke pot

And he does it the only way he knows how. By throwing a 40 foot alley oop.

Hi

Welcome to my first ever ebsports.net blog! I used to write blogs on myspace a long time ago and they consisted of sad poetry and wrist-slitting theories. Now I write about flowers and genitalia while listening to Sixpence None the Richer Slayer.

So here is the deal; I was asked by Eze in exchange for fire-wood (its cold here in NYC) to write about my daily experiences as an American Gladiator (even though I’m European…). Soooooooooooooooooo last night my friend and his girlfriend invited me and my girlfriend for some dinner over at their place; actually they invited us because 3 of us are Graphic Design majors and we’re doing an anti-fur campaign ( I own fur boots btw). His gf took some semi-nude pictures of my girl for the campaign while we were in the kitchen on our laptops looking at Jimmy Kimmel’s post Oscars video on ebsports.net (shameless plug). Anyways after they did their thing it was my turn. The premise of the anit-fur photo that my buddy was doing had to do with an ugly woman posing, and what better way of having an ugly woman present than having me dress in drag with my beard. It took me a pint of beer to say yes, and it actually was really funny… but now I’m skeptical of going to class on Monday and seeing the finished poster with my picture on it. Wonder what the other students will think… but who cares, I had great intercourse with my gf last night anyways.

I also wanna address the rick-roll issues. Its nice, and if you have a Mac, oh well.

Peace till my next blog (whenever I feel like typing again)

-Einz

Hip Hop is dead, and Skip Bayless killed it.

For the people who watch Cold Pizza, or First Take. Whatever the fuck it’s called now. Skip Bayless offers his take on Hip Hop, because Skip Bayless is the end all and be all on Hip Hop. Skip Bayless talking about Hip Hop is like Tiger Woods talking about dating black women or Rosie O’Donnell talking about penis.

Poor Jeff Chidiha. He’s having his blackness questioned by Skip Bayless! And why do white people feel the need to call 50 Cent ‘Fiddy’? Stop it! It doesn’t make you cool. It just makes you even more of a tool. 50 doesn’t even call himself Fiddy. One more thing, what kind of man has Madonna in his Ipod?